Stanford and Anticipation

Here is what the past few weeks have looked like....
April 14th Sacramento State: No Height
April 21st Mount Sac          : 5.50m (18'.05")
April 25th G.C.E Del Oro   : 5.31m (17'5") My opening height
April 29th Stanford             : 5.36m (17'7") My opening height

Coming up....
May 2nd G.C.E Folsom  
May 5th Sacramento State
And then ?????? The college season wraps up, and us open athletes find outselves a little lost. Luckily the Olympic Training Center always steps up and sanctions some meets at home. The OTC is very attractive to those have been before, much like The Texas Relays, the name itself is an unspoken promise that host's sunshine and strong tail-winds (maybe not as strong as Texas, but I have no basis for comparison), so there is always that. But the cost of the travel both financially and physically is not exactly bringing a twinkle to my eye. By now I was expecting to have posted a much larger number up above, but each competition had its own reasons for not being the appropriate time for glory to finally emerge from the shadows of winter. Frustrated as I am, the day is coming, and coming soon. I have learned and taken away something valuable from each one of those competitions making positive gains forward. The final number listed next to your name, isn't always the best definition of outcome. But yes, you can ultimately argue, that the number is all that really matters.
       I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't dragging my feet in disappointment for the past 24 hours following my performance at Stanford. It was an exciting day, inspired by a much needed repair in my approach that held me back during the previous competition. With this correction came speed and energy my mind wasn't prepared for and plans needed to change abruptly. Blowing through my regular starting pole, first jump, the following pole (that I jumped my lifetime best 5.60m on), first jump, and the following pole (I recently made 18'1" with and was currently the largest pole I'd jumped on in 2 years), first jump, then picking up the next pole in the series. This was exciting stuff, so exciting that on my third attempt at 18'1", and first attempt on that pole in years, I must have taken too large of steps in the beginning of my run, placing me about one and half feet to close to the pit at takeoff. Being so concerned with the "mid-mark" of my run, I failed to even check or ask where my takeoff was ( for you PV fans it was 12'6" and I was gripping 16'2", it should be between 13'9"-14'). Having timing issues with a late pole drop recently, I credited the failed attempt as a symptom of such, and was disappointed in myself for the next few hours. Luckily after I got over feeling sorry for myself I took a look at the video to find out the real source of the problem, and immediately felt much better.
     That being said; In a cross wind, I crushed the biggest pole I've taken a jump on this year. I grabbed an even bigger pole with no hesitation, and it's a full flex (roughly 2 poles) larger than the pole I jumped my lifetime best on, and I now weigh between 10 to 15 pounds less than I did back then (this is a good thing), I fixed my approach, and my confidence continues to grow stronger both on and off the runway. The small amount of time that stands in the way of me and my next competition is forming a mass of anticipation that is unbearable. I couldn't sleep last night, I don't suspect the next two nights to be much different.