The What Now. Part 1

So Paul, what now?
This is the question that has glazed over the rest of my thoughts since my return from Reno. It was confusing at first. The ups and downs of this injury make it so difficult to plan ahead.
I would describe myself as a spontaneous person who dreads order and organization. But when it comes to being an athlete, having a training plan, seems to make life a whole lot easier, and the results tend to show it. Obviously I'm of the philosophy that you can't take it too seriously, but some order does help.
Week after week I have written, rewritten, and rewritten again, plan after plan for the past 6 months. At first making sure doctors, therapists and coaches gave them all a nod of approval, or even just a glance over, so I would be confident in what I was doing. I gave up on that approval somewhere after the first month as the plans changed time and time again. And to be honest, in the last month or so, with the upper back problem, and the turf slip up I quit writing them all together, and just "winged it" daily. I was so tired of something as small as not finishing a full week or even day to a "T", could create such a psychological defeat. Defeats that continued to leave me empty handed with no where to turn for refuge. My outlet has always been exercise in some shape or form. Something fun to clear my head, and fun to me, is in physical activity. But I'm trailing off on a tangent as I always do when I tell stories. The point I'm trying to make is that, last weekend was a victory. I didn't win the competition, but I won a stronger sense of hope. A hope that has kept my mind racing for days now. It has given me the courage to once again, write up my training in advance. It may sound silly to you, but its important to me. Funny how something so small, can mean so much. I may fail and I may succeed. The fact remains, it was a needed increase of particular confidence that arrived at the exact instance my journey demanded it.