The What Now. Part 2

What now? What a question indeed.
I'm looking ahead to this competition on Friday, and I would like it give it a little something extra. In the last 2 meets I have been in, I was not exactly ready. I just knew what I wanted to do and be a part of. I figured what the hell, no one expects anything out of me, including, me. Now with 2 performances under my belt, I'm starting to think that I'm running low on excuses not to really get after it. The relaxed run, low grip, and soft pole thing is good for several reasons, and smart. But at some point, is that really going to give you a performance outcome worthy of memory, or recognition? In some ways I feel I have already proven myself. But part of me cries out for a larger indicator of what abilities I'm actually carrying around with me. I have 1 more chance to prove myself in Pocatello this year. In Holt Arena, where I have more great pole vault memories than anywhere else in the world. Moments of joy, triumph, and even defeat, as an athlete and as a coach. As the day of my departure from this place draws nearer, i feel myself growing more and more connected too it. It has given me so much, and taken away hardly anything.
11 years and 6 months ago I moved away from my home in Northern California to live in an unknown place with no friend or family member within 600 miles. It feels like only yesterday I arrived in this high altitude desert. I felt so scared, alone and excited all at once. As the eve of my next major life move comes, I'm starting to get some of the same feelings.
I would love to say that I will be back here soon, or make time to compete here again next year. But I can't say those things. I don't know what the future holds, it is an unknown and those are promises that I just cannot keep. So I want this (I won't say last, but.....) opportunity to jump again in Holt Arena, in front of some of the finest high school athletes in US track and field, my friends, loved ones, and peers, too be special. It may be a complete disaster, but I hope they know that I am going to give everything I have too give on friday, for them, and for me.
I want too make all of us proud once more.