When will I jump again?

I competed yesterday on Alki Beach in Seattle, WA. I only managed to clear my opening height of 5.27m (17'3") and sneak into 3rd place. It was a rough day from the start. I woke up in the morning to find out my laptop of 6 years, that had survived my abuse, 2 operating systems, and travelling the world, finally kicked the bucked. So that was a bummer. Then a standard one hour drive from where I was staying to where I was competing, became a three hour drive from hell surrounded by some of the most selfish A-hole drivers I have ever encountered, because of construction we were unaware of. I arrived at the meet with about 30 minutes to get ready, after sitting in the car for three hours and doing everything in my power not to jump out and start throwing rocks at the cars who's drivers deserve to be drug out of their freshly broken windows and beaten within an inch of their lives in the street. You know the ones I'm talking about. It was unpleasant, and emotionally I'm still not all put back together since the Trials. So when I arrived at the meet, I was a little put off and couldn't shake it. I did manage to clear a height though. After I went out of the competition I got to see some great jumps by Bryson Stately and Scott Roth. It's too bad I couldn't put on a better show for the crowd because it was huge, and they were excited about pole vault. But Scott and Bryson stepped it up and saved face for the rest of us. I have to say, I did wind up with one of the best pole vault t-shirts I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot, because I have more than I can count. I'm wearing it proudly at the moment actually. So a shout out to whoever designed this year's Beach Vault shirts if your reading this, thanks. And thanks again Becca (polevaultpower.com, Club Northwest) for hosting two fantastic Beach competitions once again. So what now? That's one hell of a question, it comes up every day in conversation and is on my mind probably 90% of the time. There aren't any meets in a travel range I can afford. So, start working, pick coaching back up, start doing camps, go overseas, play in the outdoors, give up pole vault, continue training for a year, continue training for four years, drive deep into the woods and vanish for an unknown period of time and emerge a wise and powerful hermit/monk? All of these things sound like viable options, and making decisions about any of them seems near impossible at the moment. If I ever make it home, I guess I'll just see which one grabs me. I do want to jump, I feel like I was robbed of my peak performance I had been saving up for, but maybe that window has past. The circuits in Europe seem a bit dried up until mid August, without an agent it's hard to really tell, but I'm doing what I can to find out. Right now, the financial numbers are too far against me. A guy who hasn't made a USA Team, or jumped 19' is not exactly a hot ticket item in the pole vault world. Meanwhile, there are rocks to be climbed, trails to be rode, rivers to be run, and more backyard jumping to be done. The sun is always shining somewhere, and the playgrounds of the earth are calling.