So i'm starting day 3 of no activity, and last night, I realized how fit I really am. Each night its gets harder to fall asleep. With each day of rest, my body heals and recovers, and the excess energy has been building up like a nuclear reactor, and I honestly want to explode. I am dying to train again. It's only been 3 days??? In the past I would welcome the free time and time off. But I'm different now. The training and jumping is everything to me, and I want it back right away. I'm not rushing into it, and I won't make the mistake of too much too soon. Time has become a much more important factor in my life. The following is an excerpt from an email I recently wrote to a friend.
"My newest conundrum in meditation is that I perceive time differently than i have in the past. Time is no longer just a chronological measurement for me, its a unit of energy. When I look at the months in front of me I don't just see the short amount of time leading up to the trials, I see the limited amount of energy available. I am the battery and my life is the system. How much energy can the system create to store in the battery, and how much of that energy can I use for the end game, the trials? There is only so much energy available in those 11 months. How much gets wasted on unnecessary action? Too much. Energy lost to injury, drinking, late nights, stress, work, drama, etc. I'm attempting to steal all this wasted energy back from now on. It will be used for, training harder, recovering, getting proper rest, buying better food, cooking healthier, an overall healthier diet, hours of meditation, hours of therapy and more.
This is a large part of the transformation i'm experiencing and it's difficult to share with people. Honestly some of the things I'm feeling, I can't describe yet. But I'm working on understanding them better myself."
With this said, you can see why locking myself inside my house has become the driving force towards insanity over the past few days. I am making progress and feel I will be back on my feet within a week. But until then, keeping my motivation at bay creates a whole new challenge all its own.