You know those days where it seems like everyone around you is acting like a complete ass? Then finally at some point you realize, your the one who is real the problem. Well to be honest, I've been noticing that a lot lately. I do my best not to bring other people down to my level when I'm in the dumps myself, but some days it feels like a full time job. I tried to figure out why I've been acting this way, and I've come up with several reasons. After attending the Drake Relays Mall Vault this weekend it all became clear. I need to be jumping. Holy shit I miss jumping, so much. Watching my friends and peers burn down the runway and fly over bars in style, for a massive crowd, made me extremely nostalgic. Normally when I attend a large competition as a spectator I have a really hard time with it. I can remember being bumped out of the USA Outdoor Championships in 2003 by 1 measly centimeter. I was still in college and USA's just happened to be near where I grew up. I decided to go and watch the meet even though i was heart broken about not getting in as an athlete. It turned out to be an amazing meet to watch but I remember telling myself, never again, never again will I stand on the sidelines and watch elite competitions like this. Guess what, the same thing happened the following year as I sat and watched the Olympic Trials while being the first athlete out by 1 measly centimeter, they even had my BIO in the program at the meet. That was hard to watch, but ultimately exciting, actually the most exciting vault competition I have witnessed to date. You get my point. Sometimes it's hard to watch. Honestly though I've got to give a big shout out to the organizers of the Mall Vault because I have seen a lot of street type vault meets in my day, and that competition was done very professionally in so many ways. Other organizers could learn a lot from them.
When I arrived at the meet I must admit that I rolled in with a baseball cap tipped down low, a dark coat and a quiet disposition. I did not want to be recognized as an athlete in the crowd. I would have rather been seen as a quiet camera man with no ties to the sport. In anticipation for the competition I thought I would have that feeling again, the feeling of being left out, or picked last, or not being good enough. When I arrived, it wasn't there. I walked into the mass of people heard the loud music, clapping, and became so excited for my friends on the other side of the fence. I wanted to shake hands, scream when they were on the runway, catch steps, start the clapping, and be a part of something special. It was something special. I fought through the crowd, jumping around with a tripod and HD camera, held it high above my head to pan over children resting on parents shoulders, because the best thing I could do for those athletes that day, was shoot the best videos I could. I had a blast, and the feeling of inadequacy, wasn't there. I'm not sure how I am supposed to feel about that. At first I thought, maybe your ready to be done, your ready to be a spectator. After the 4 hour drive home I stayed up till 3am editing and posting videos to the best of my ability alone with my thoughts. I felt so confused about my excitement for a meet and the performance of athletes that I was not a competitor in.
The flame of doubt, in my devotion as an athlete, was soon extinguished when I sprung out of bed this morning to finish my uploads for Derek and Kylie then head to the gym, where I spent an hour sprinting between the elliptical machine and the pool, like an injured athlete should. It felt amazing and I felt as driven as ever.
So no, I'm not ready to be a spectator full time, and thank you to all the great athletes who jumped at the Mall Vault for the fresh burst of Inspiration.
That's great to hear Paul! You are an inspiration to me and when I get to read something like this it just adds fuel to the fire.
ReplyDeleteGreat story Paul. I missed World Masters Indoors last year in Canada because I was a little careless in my rehab of what should have been more of a ding than an injury. I sat and watched the meet I should have won so today I wear the T-Shirt from that meet as a reminder not to be so dumb. Thanks for sharing your story, and for the great video work!! Bubba
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